How To Handle Tough Feedback
…and grow from it personally and professionally.
My fellow co-worker Sue and I recently went through this. In full transparency, this is how we went through our uncomfortable growth.
Five tried and true tips!
Step One: We started the conversation. We both spoke our minds with full candor and said everything we had felt, been told, and had been shared with us by others. We left no stone unturned. We listened to each other and acknowledged each other’s feelings.
Step Two: We took ownership of our part. This was huge and probably the hardest part. The act of humility for us to shift from betrayal, frustration, upset, and anger to being open and to come from a place from love is not easy. We get to choose at any given time if we want to think we are right or do we want to feel peace in our hearts.
Step Three: We held a metaphorical mirror to each other to see our behavior. This was not comfortable for either of us. Taking a chance by lovingly calling someone out can be risky. This should only be done if you are clear and pure in the intention. Our intentions were pure. This type of feedback is a necessity for growth. Honesty with yourself is the most vital tool you can have.
Step Four: We agreed with each other her and shared how being honest with ourselves allows us to see and acknowledge our own dark side and how it plays out in our lives. Owning this and allowing the light to shine on it takes away some of its power. Feeling the sting of humility allows healing to take place. This is what we both wanted.
Step four allowed healing to began. We both felt a lift in our energy and our perspectives. It was a visceral and emotional shift. The feeling was almost instant for both of us.
Step Five: We came to a mutual decision to rise above our individual needs and to move back into love and support for one another. This is what adults do that are committed to growth.
Growing pains are a real thing, my friends. Communication is learned and modeled. How you are handling your conflicts within your life matter and it matters to who might be watching.
Disagreements and discord happen, how we respond or react to them is a choice.
The Next time you find yourself in an upsetting conversation or situation ask yourself these questions.
Can I respond from a place of love? If you really ask yourself this, most of the time the answer will yes.
Is being right more important than having peace? Well, is it?
What need is not being satisfied here? Be honest with yourself here. Needs are real and when our needs are not being met, we can get bratty. Identify these needs so that you can move forward.
What do I want? Having a clear idea of what it is that you truly want is an important question to ask and possibly should be the first question that you ask yourself. We don’t think that the order is really all that important though as long as you can take a deep breath and answer these questions honestly for yourself before reacting. If you can’t straight away, take a little time for yourself and come back to these questions before you begin working the steps. You may just be able to resolve whatever issues you are having and actually find yourself in a better place than before!
Uncomfortable conversations are hard, but we encourage you to do it anyway. Follow these steps above. Contact Nicole or Sue Burhoe if you’d like personal help having a hard conversation that you might need to have.
Namaste’ my friends,
Nicole & Sue
Nicole’s Education includes a B.A. in Psychology and a M.Ed., concentration in counseling from Rivier University. She holds an additional post-graduate certificate in Human Resources form SNHU. In addition to her formal education, Nicole is a Certified Clinical Hypnotist and a member of the National Guild of Hypnotists. Nicole has completed certifications in; Neuro Linguistic Programming, Reiki, Qi Gong, Numerology, IET, Chronotherapy, and Aromatherapy.